Do you ever wonder what you should be talking to your manager about? In my previous job, my 1:1 meetings with my manager went long. I didn’t know exactly what I should be bringing up, so I opted for optimism, with digressions into movie soundtracks, future of adtech and ideation sessions. In my current job, my 1:1’s with my manager are brief, often staccato status updates with clear asks on both sides. There was no emotions to it, just comments about progress or lack thereof. I thought this new focus meant I was more effective. But while doing a training at work about having effective meetings with your manager, I realized there’s more to learn.
Of course, project updates are important. As a manager, I need to unblock barriers, set the right guardrails around timing and scope of deliverables, provide technical advice or general coaching. One good way to structure this is to tell your direct report to frame the work as a #win and a #struggle. The win is the thing you’re proud of. The struggle is the thing you need help with.
When I think back about my 1:1’s with my manager, I realize it’s difficult to talk about the struggle. I naturally like to see things as about to resolve, or I’m afraid to share my vulnerabilities if I think I’m not doing well, or I don’t want to come off like a complainer. It may be hard but it’s the most fruitful. I tried recently in a meeting with my manager - I told him that I often feel like I’m doing all these things but nothing actually is moving forward. He immediately sympathized: ‘you’re being directed to do things or you’re doing small tasks, so at the end of the day you don’t feel like it adds up to anything meaninful.’ When I heard him say that back to me, I immediately realized how much this had been weighing down on me. This is the moment for the manager to make you more successful, either through coaching or better work planning.
One way to get to that frankness is to have open-ended questions that prompts that reflection:
- What do you think…
- Tell me about…
- How do you feel…
Underlying the ability to have an effective and frank conversation is having trust. Focus some of your time also to develop your relationship by being open about yourself personally. What’s a quirk of yours? What makes for a good coworker for you? What’s something surprising people find out about you? I did this with another coworker during the training session to great effect. We laughed over how people misinterpret our faces: hers is a resting bitch face, and mine a resting smile face. That simple revelation made me feel like we made a small connection.
Lastly, the ultimate way to earn trust is to deliver on what you promise, especially if what you’re promising is going to help your direct report with their job satisfaction and career development. So end your meetings with WWDWBW - Who Will Do What By When.